How can I tell if he's abusive?

Are you pondering the fact that your partner might be abusive? Here are some red flags that may help you identify if he's abusive or not.

1. He's very possessive, controlling, jealous, and insecure about your relationship with him. He may begin to alienate you from your friends because "they are bad influence". If you have friends of the opposite sex, they might think something is going on and asume "you were flirting" with them.
2. He belittles you all the time, in front of people as well. Even if it's not your "fault". He may make you feel like your crap. He may begin by giving you comments on your appearance, intelligence, anything! Watch out for these types of men, they will break your spirit and trample it. They will make you feel insecure, unconfident, and inferior to everyone and everything. The more you stay in a relationship with this person, the longer he will sink you....the longer it will take for you to get away from him.
3. He's manupulative and he shifts the blame. He makes you believe that "you're the one to blame", "you caused this" or "you made me angry", "you made me do this". Watch out for these as these can convince you into believing that he's the victim and NOT you. Also, a pattern of physical abuse appears in these types of men. They "justify" there attacks on you by shifting the blame.
4. He speaks very little of you to his friends and family. He may say anything to put you in emberassment. If he speaks ill of you, you shouldn't be with him?
5. He's verbally or physically abusive. He calls you derivatives (curses at you), says your fat, ugly, who're, etc. and he physically assaults or hits you.

According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center about one in four women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. Between 600,000 and 6 million women are victims of domestic violence each year, and between 100,000 and 6 million men. And an average of more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day.

Domestic violence should not be taken lightly. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence please contact the Crisis Hotline at (866) 469-8600 toll free. Due to the nature of the subject matter I will not give my person opinion on what one should do in a given circumstance.

Helpful Tips & Warnings from WikiHow

Tips

• if you tell him that you do not tolerate this behavior and he apologizes one minute and then blames you the next, then he is not sincere, it is time to move on.
• sometimes, he will accuse you of not loving him. do not be fooled. this is merely a tactic to make you feel guilty and to stay with him.
• if a man hits you, go. He's got the pattern. There will be a second time, a third time, a fourth time, .... etc. until you leave or die. Get out of there.
• If you decide to leave him then you must do so and break all ties and communication with him. It is the only way you can successfully move on. He must respect this. He must leave you alone if you request it.
• Have a safe place to go away to and it should not be a place he can find you, and should be a place that is neutral, where he has no access.
• When you tell him it's over, make sure to do it in a place where you can be seen, but not necessarily heard, by other people. The last thing you want is to get abused as a result of trying to stop the abuse, and he will be less likely to try anything in a public area.
• Keep a copy of important keys and documents in a place where only you can find them so that if you need to make a quick escape you are not locked in the house and have access to your car and passport, etc.

Warnings

• Try to let someone know of your situation so that they can help
• don't be a victim, remove yourself by any means possible from a dangerous situation
• some abusers can be excellent actors. Never underestimate this. Especially if you're thinking of leaving, and the abuser has seemingly sudden change of personality, such as an unexpected positive sense, i.e. showering you with apology gifts, repeatedly saying how sorry they are, insisting they'll never treat you that way again, etc.